Learning to Love...and to Lose

One of the reasons we wanted to move to a more rural area is so the boys could experience raising animals, beyond our family dog and parrot.  I've always felt it is important for kids to learn to nurture animals, understand the effort to care for them, and...the hardest part...to lose them.

We recently got a bunch of baby chicks from the local farm store. The boys had to earn them by caring for the other animals that we already have until they showed us that they could reliably help out with animal care.  They not only proved that they could help take care of the animals we already have, but from the moment we brought the baby chicks home Rowan and Cid have been phenomenal "chick daddies".  They handle the chicks every day.  They pick them up and nuzzle them.  They give them new food and water and bedding, and they take them out of their box to play.

Every morning, as soon as their alarm clock tells them its time to get up (they have a clock that turns green, not to wake them up but to let them know its FINALLY an appropriate time to leave their room and wake up Mommy and Daddy), they go check on the baby chicks.  And every night before bed, they quietly peak into the chicks' box to see if they are all sleeping and wish them sweet dreams.

Each chick was lovingly given a name by Rowan or Cid.  We have the slightly older ones:



I am really proud of both Rowan and Cid for how committed they've been to their roles as chick daddies.  It puts a warm feeling in my whole body that I can't really describe.

And although, I know part of the lesson of taking care of another being is having to sometimes deal with loss, none of us were quite prepared for this morning.

During the morning chick check, Cid discovered one of the baby chicks, the one named Toad, lifeless.  Of course, it was upsetting to all of us.  Toad was the "smallest of the little ones" with a big fluffy breast, which kind of resembled a toad's throat.  Cid took it especially hard.  He cried and cried, and told us that it was his job to take care of the baby chicks and he didn't do a good job. Obviously, it was not at all his fault.  It broke my heart to see him so torn up.

I've always felt that the rewards of animal stewardship completely outweigh the sadness of their passing and that losing an animal you've cared for helps a person understand the weight of death, as well as gives us the opportunity to learn to cope with grief before having to face it on a larger scale. I just didn't realize how hard it would be to help a little person through that grief.

I wasn't sure Cid would be up to the task of a proper burial for Toad, even though I know closure is important.  I made a little box for her and prepared to whisk her away; out of sight, out of mind. As the day went on, Cid talked about her a lot and wondered why she died. We don't have any answers for him.  Other than these things sometimes happen and we don't know why she passed.  Not every little baby animal makes it.

Towards the end of the day, I asked the boys if they were ready to bury Toad. They asked what that was and why we would do it.  I told them that when things die, we put their bodies into the ground so they can become part of the earth and flowers can grow from them.  Rowan responded that he didn't know Toad would turn into a flower!  Not quite what I was trying to say...

My brother helped us dig a deep enough hole near one of our walnut trees and we said our goodbyes to Toad.

There are going to be a lot of amazing times for the boys growing up on a farm, and there are going to be a few really difficult times.

Today was one of the difficult ones.